there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize