College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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