It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
