today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize