OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
