there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
