Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently the secret to your success is patron
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
