pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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