I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
