i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
