I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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