she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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