I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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