Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
