im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
