after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
