so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
