I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think my vagina is haunted
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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