Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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