alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
