yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
