This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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