what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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