Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
