What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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