she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
