DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
