I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
