I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
