i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
