Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
