Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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