I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
