I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize