i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
