I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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