Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
