I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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