i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this boner is exhausting
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
