i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
