**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
