I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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