I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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