I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he laminated a picture of his dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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