Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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