Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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