somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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