Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
