Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
