Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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