You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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