There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
