Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
