I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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