im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
