I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
