We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize