Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
