today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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