Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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