my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize