And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
