she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
