Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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