I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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