I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
