Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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