Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
