Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
