I'm lost and stupid without you.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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