He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
