she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
