I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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