her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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