it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
