Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
