girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize