I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
