I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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