i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
