Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
